What's New with My Stand-up Comedy

I have updated my comedy web site and it is  now updated with my current schedule. I have some awesome events coming up including headlining Groundhog Day on February 2, 2015.

I am also now represented by the Clean and Funny Comedy Booking Agency, which represents some of the top comedians in the country. If I am unable to perform at your event, I encourage you to look at the comedians they represent. They are some of the best.

Hire a clean comedian for your next corporate event or church show. I work clean so I can handle any audience, allowing everyone to have a good time.

If it's zero degrees and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what will the temperature be?

In my latest blog, I answer, the so called "unanswerable question". If it's zero degrees and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what will the temperature be?

STRICTLY MATH ANSWER

Zero, because zero times zero = zero.

This is why people say it's unanswerable because if it's twice as cold, it can't be the same temperature.

The problem is, this is strictly not a math question.

PHYCOLOGICAL ANSWER

Some people may say that 70 degrees Fahrenheit is cold, others may say it is hot. So to answer the question physiologically, the answer would vary based on what each individual person considered cold. So if I believe it is no longer considered warm at 67 degrees, but cold, then at 0 degrees Fahrenheit it would be 67 degrees cold. So that means it would be 67 degrees colder tomorrow, so the answer, from my point of view, would be -67. But if you believe it is no longer considered warm at 70 degrees, then the answer would be -70.

Technically this is the correct way to figure out the problem, because cold is a feeling. One of the definitions of cold is "a temperature that is uncomfortable for humans."

At the same time cold really isn't really a thing. Cold is just a lack of heat. 

SCIENTIFIC ANSWER

Another definition of cold is "Not Heated". This is what I would call the scientific definition.

The question would be easy if the question was twice as warm.

The problem is that really other than in terms to feeling, there is no such thing as cold. If there was no sources of heat then the temperature would always be absolute zero ( -459.67 degrees Fahrenheit ). It is only because of the sun and other energy/heat that it is warmer. It only gets "colder" when heat is removed, which is due to the Second Law of Thermodynamics. In laymen's terms heat warms the air to an average temperature. So if it is zero degrees that means the sun and other sources of heat have warmed the earth up 459.67 degrees. Since the warming process is constant, fluctuations in temperature are slight.

So since there is no such thing as cold, it can't be twice as cold. On the other hand if it was going to be twice as warm; if it is zero degrees Fahrenheit, it would be 459.67 warm. So twice as warm would be 459.67 degrees Fahrenheit.

Post Removed

The Facebook Giraffe riddle

"It’s 3 a.m., the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors! It’s your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?"

If you get the riddle wrong you have to change your profile picture to a giraffe, which is what everyone should do that answered it, because I am the only one who got it right. Even the person who wrote the riddle didn’t get it right.

You may say eye’s were the first thing open, but what if this person in the riddle was blind. Wouldn’t be that unrealistic. What about that riddle where the guy took the elevator only to the correct floor when it rained because he was short. Just saying… Or what if you sleep with one eye open, which you would do if you had kids, or if your parents had a tendency to show up unexpectedly at 3am.

Also wake up, could be figurative, like a wakeup call, which would be fitting for this riddle, because if my parents showed up at 3am, it would definitely be a wakeup call, that we don’t have a large enough buffer and need to live further away.

So you would say, door, unless you lived in a barn, or you were trying to heat the neighborhood to fight global warming, or unless your parents had a key, but then why would they ring the doorbell?  But it didn’t say they even rang the doorbell. It just said it rang, and in fact when it rang they could have already been in your house. It could have been your child that walked outside and just started ringing the doorbell, because that is what mine does all the time.

Others would say since your parents are there, the first thing they would open would be the wine.

But really the first thing you opened was Facebook, because it was a Facebook riddle, and if you didn’t do that, then you would have never read the riddle that lead to posting a picture of a giraffe on your profile. Which if you haven’t done so yet, you must now do, because you now realize you were wrong. So be a good sport and change that picture.

You may say that is only a technicality, but isn’t that what riddles are all about, technicalities. So technically, I am right.